A Sad post; because my negative emotions are not limited to anger.

Most people have emotions. I’m almost sure I’m one of these people, but it seems like pretty much the only emotion I actually notice is sadness. It’s the one that puts it’s little tentacle up, and says “hello“.

I hear people talk about their depression and how they wake up and they just feel heavier, or more tired or just not right. I don’t know if that’s how it works for me, I don’t know how to identify it. For everyone else, even though the experience might be foggy, they’re still sure it’s happening.

I’ve entertained the thought that I might be bipolar. If I have a feeling, it tends to be very sad, and sometimes I get really excited about life. But most of the time there’s a whole lot of nothing. Maybe I don’t have the normal range of emotions, I don’t know if I’m depressed, and I don’t know if there’s even anything going on, I might just be a normal person who gets a bit sad sometimes.

I do know that it stops me from functioning at my already-inhibited level. I can barely feed myself, my house doesn’t get cleaned, it’s a miracle my cat is still alive. But I don’t know if that’s enough to call it anything. I don’t want to complain about feeling tired or unmotivated. I don’t want to tell people that no, I don’t want to hang out, because it won’t be fun, because nothing is anymore. I’m not part of the self-harm club, but I will say one thing about life; it continues, and I’m not sure how much I like that.

Maybe I should talk about it. It would be nice if I had a proper family. It would probably also be nice to be the kind of person who feels ok to just ask a friend over if I’m feeling a bit shite. But it’s my fault.¬†I can’t expect people to read minds, so why should I bother feeling alone when I don’t ask anyone to be there?

Who knows, I’ll probably feel fine tomorrow.

 

Well. This blog exists.

I was going to spare you the explanation as to what exactly this is and, well, why. Since this blog is here purely for myself and no one else, I didn’t think it would be necessary. But hey, I guess I’m a private exhibitionist. It’s probably why I enjoy living by myself, so I can walk around naked in the privacy of my own home.

So this exists. Not because I think my ideas are great, and not because I think my words carry any particular meaning, but for one very simple reason; I do not want to start arguments. This is the space where I am going to put all of those facebook posts that never became facebook posts, and those conversations I never started. Because to put it plainly these are my opinions and arguments about them are straight up unnecessary. Basically, this is a place for me to gripe, without other people telling me I’m whingeing.

The name I can tell you, is based on a very good piece of advice I was given when I was very young; “What other people think of me is none of my business“. In a way I live by this. So, with that in mind; if, by whatever miniscule chance, you come across this blog, and you have been offended by anything I have expressed, kindly, fuck off.¬†Other people’s opinions are their problems, so my opinions? my problem.

Peace.