People who are Dicks; Specific individuals and Groups.


This one may be a little too specific to my life, but hey, why else am I writing this?

To the person who didn’t want to stop for that red light, but was too much of a pussy to run it; I know you are aware that you ended up essentially parking in the middle of the pedestrian crossing that I was about to use. In my attempt to make eye contact in the hopes that something would trigger in your brain, and you would say something along the lines of “oops, sorry”, I was met with your vacant stare that was deliberately directed through me. Clearly had I attempted to find a brain in there, I would have been at a loss. Get some fucking awareness of your surroundings. You’re a Dick.

To the self righteous asshole who wrote that fucking song about millennials; You have made a gross generalisation about an entire generation. What the fuck. The pointless lines about the stereotypical appearance of millennials- The “man bun and facial hair” or someone who takes selfies and wears yoga pants- putting any kind of weight on what people look like to be any indicator of their behaviour sounds a lot like discrimination to me. Claiming that “Criticism isn’t easy for their ears” is also pointless in this context, especially since you probably wouldn’t know, considering the entire song reads more like a discriminatory attack. You strike me as the kind of person who would argue that there’s no such thing as a clitoris, purely because you don’t know where it is. Don’t even get me started on the fact that you seem genuinely worried about having a millennial as president… I’m sorry but where the fuck is the next one supposed to come from? Do you propose presidents just get older and older until all of Gen X and prior have died out, at which point we say “guess there won’t be any more presidents now, better that than have a millennial filling the spot”. For fuck’s sake. You’re a Dick.

These next two are old news, but yes, I’m still pissed.

To the little piece of shit who has enough ignorance to say that instead of having periods, women should just “hold their bladder”; Where are your parents? How do I tell them they have failed on a colossal fucking scale? The fact that you refused to even hear about it when someone tried to explain to you what happens? Inexcusable. How about I come over there and stab you in the taint once a month and see if you can help that. Fuck you in particular. You’re a Dick.

Ok, and to the group of absolute fucking monumental cunts who decided it would be a good idea to drag a baby dolphin out of the ocean, just so you could take selfies with it. What kind of inbred, braindead Neanderthals did your parents have to be in order to produce you? I don’t tend to wish death on anyone, but since you are all scum of the fucking earth, I wish it gladly. I’d kill you all myself if I knew any of your names. You are all Dicks.

People who are Dicks; The General Public: Part 1


To the people who have, for some stupid fucking reason, attached speakers to the front of their cars and or bicycles; Why. The. Fuck. Do you honestly think that blaring your music out the front of your vehicle is going to make it sound any better? And do you think the rest of us want to hear it? I couldn’t give two shits if you’re blasting rap or fucking Enya, I don’t want to hear it. Especially not in the middle of the night. You’re a dick.

I could write an entire essay on dicks on the bus but this one is for people with bags. Sure, you can take a seat, and sure, you can carry a bag with you, but if the bus is full, then why is your bag taking up an entire seat next to you? I would get it if it was a massive bag, but then I would also question why it isn’t in that little area where you put things like suitcases. But a little tote bag? a whole seat? I’ve seen one girl, sat on an aisle seat, decide to take up the seat across the aisle from her. WHY. You’re a dick.

To people who sit in the middle of benches. What’s your aim here? Do you want to inconvenience people who are looking for a spot to rest, eat lunch or just sit and look at whatever shit you’re currently looking at? Or are you so fucking lonely that you’ve placed yourself in a position where, should someone choose to sit down, they’re so needlessly close to you that you can probably figure out the exact ingredients their breakfast was made of just be the smell of their breath? Either way, this behaviour screams “I am the centre of the universe and also super important“. You’re a dick.